Life changes….

This week ……..

5 months of a musical and very emotional journey , coming to a close .
My own life perspectives changing dramatically . Internally and Externally.
I have upgraded gear in my Studio substantially , and ask my self why .. I spent a lot ….
Recent  anticipated Loss of a long term friend , who was a guide to me … over many years. Contact is gone and no responses .
So many things I wish I could say openly but they will remain silent .

I am sitting in bed looking out the second story window of my house , wishing I was somewhere or someone else ….. Not because I don’t understand who I am , I actually like certain parts of my psyche , and personality . But my life isn’t what I want it to be because something so incredibly valuable is missing from it . And It quite possibly will never come .

The Material Life we build , never replaces the needs we have as a human .
And we build ourselves into a corner over time , leaving no escape route in case things don’t turn out the way they should . My house doesn’t feel like home . Divided and separate in all things .

Yet my Studio is in my home .

I have a good reputation for my work , Location sound , I get the job done . Working outside is always what it is , I am away from where I am basically isolated from everyone and everything . Like sitting in bed staring out the window ……..

I am missing the one thing in my life ,  that would make my life worth actually living . And I would be willing to sacrifice so much , to have it . With just a word … I would .
When you know that life could actually be everything you ever wanted and dreamed of , but it is just out of your reach ,  and you know ….. without question, you know .

So I am staring out my window at a winter sky , and listening to the cold wind blow . Right through my heart .

 

 

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Recording Myself ?

Possibly ,…
I am so used to recording everyone else , and I haven’t even tried to really record me .
I recently bought a guitar for the studio , that has an amazing sound to it and plays good.

I spent most of this morning transferring audio from a Recent shoot , 4 days long involving Technology is about all I am allowed to say , (NDA stuff)

As I was setting up folders and doing transfers while waiting for the DATA to move from the recorder to the HDD ,  I picked up said guitar and put it in DADGAD tuning and let certain current emotions fly on their own …….

I ended up playing for about 2 and a half hours ( DATA being long finished ) and with sore fingers and a somewhat satisfied feeling , I put it back in the case …

But left with the thought ,….  That I was sitting , ….in a recording studio with a shitload of microphones ……… why wasn’t I recording something ?

Why haven’t I ever recorded myself ? ……………….( I have my suspicions , ….)

Esteem issues and other stuff …

But I love recording ,….. The gift of sound …. and I have an artist who comes to my studio and we are making an EP for her that is 4 songs all of which are really good .

they are almost finished …..

Why haven’t I recorded me ?

 

Trying to Keep a Ship straight

when going thru the worst storms in your life , …..
“I had a crappy childhood” would be an understatement in the worst way , but what the real issues are is you never realize just how deep the scars go and how far you carry them without knowing it , you just live as you can and keep going , until you hit a wall .

about 3 maybe 4  years ago , I hit that wall without realizing what was happening to me , and the downward spiral began , to the point that around 2 years ago I tried to end it all .

someone stopped me in the process .

Over the past half a year or more , I have been through an emotional rollercoaster that I could never have anticipated in any way ….. some of it good some of it not so good .

there has been an unwilling friend in all of the past half a year that unbenunced to them caught me just as I was falling apart , and I could not be more embarrassed or sorry , but they stuck around ,…. …. and I saw light .

Light , from a darkened cave that had me prisoner for a very long time .

And with the world outside as crazy as it is , with all the bad things happening , it is easy to see how many could be caught into a whirlpool of negativity and depression .

How precious then is someone who takes a moment to get it …. to just simply listen .

I hope that one day they will realize what they did for me ,

Telling a person just embarrasses them sometimes , and especially when It wasn’t their choice …………  but the gratefulness will never change

 

 

Getting older and not so much wiser

I have people try to take what I know , steal knowledge if they can , take jobs that would be mine .
But what I know is mine . I will share only so much , and choose whom I share it with .

There is one person whom I would share everything I know with . But that is a different story altogether and will remain mine alone .

Audio is an art , it really is , and a skill . But you have to recognize it as an Art not just skill . Skill alone is sterile and has no feeling or emotion , it is just a system or a way of doing something . As an Art combined with skill , then it is something altogether different , it becomes a living part of something , filled with emotion and power .

I have had an artist coming to my studio whom I feel very strongly about , their dedication , their heartfelt involvement with the songs , attention to detail , knowing exactly what they want from the song ……  such a breath of fresh” air ”

right now recording is on hold, being contemplated , distance of travel , time , scheduling and other tensions,  I am in an inconvenient location , and have to meet other needs myself .
I so hope though , that this one continues to fruition , these songs deserve to be heard, and must get recorded properly with the emotion they deserve as well , because they are definitely not sterile .

I am in need of patience , and the right words to encourage said artist . And myself as well , as this project will not be an easy one for either one of us.

But I will give my all to make it happen if they can see their way through the fog .

I owe it to this person, I owe a great deal to this person

The Watanabes

A Little taste of live music , from the band . I did an Impromptu recording with a Sennheiser MKE44P Stereo mic , connected to a Roland R26 . Post processing in DSP Quattro , with Eareckons wonderful plugins , EQ , Compression , Limiting etc , Then some widening with UpStereo and BitterSweet , to just get it where I wanted it .
Finished off with just a Touch of a Very Wide reverb ,

Enjoy :

The Watanabes Live

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