My current studio setup

My Studio


what does darkness mean…

What does it mean to hurt , To be alone , to feel like there is nothing left .

A Poem I wrote .

“Lie awake , night after night.

Peer into darkness , searching for light.

But the only life here grows in deep shadow.


Once a stalwart hand , manning the rigging

To sail ocean deep, mast deeply leaning.

Windward , Dancing upon the waves ,

But now here , the waves , Oceans do crave .

Desolate waste , Broken Hulls ,

Scattered remnants of what was .

Waves of sand and stone,

No anchor to stay

No mooring to call home …..

A tattered flag stands unfurled, its edges torn

No Salt stains , just weather worn …..

Desolate waste this place , of bright unrelenting sun .

Into crag and deep shadow , what lurks here does run,

To escape the punishing illuminations ………


Yet,…. under the shadow of one beam of the wreckage, a single flower ,

this tiny flower , ill rooted stood….

Hiding under the protection of broken rotten wood.


There are no captains here , There are no stalwart hands

to grip the wheel and steer , away from these desolate lands.

Into deep ocean , and cool waters , …but even there ,… you cannot drink.

Even upon the Blue Ocean …….

There is something that you crave ,and it will go unrequited , unsatisfied, in-satiated


Lie awake ,….night after night,…. peer into the darkness

Searching ………searching……..searching

Among the bleached bones of forgotten carcasses……….



To one whom , I believed in … I am sorry ,…for so many things . But you are a flower … and will always be in a special place in my heart .

I will try to survive …….

Life changes….

This week ……..

5 months of a musical and very emotional journey , coming to a close .
My own life perspectives changing dramatically . Internally and Externally.
I have upgraded gear in my Studio substantially , and ask my self why .. I spent a lot ….
Recent  anticipated Loss of a long term friend , who was a guide to me … over many years. Contact is gone and no responses .
So many things I wish I could say openly but they will remain silent .

I am sitting in bed looking out the second story window of my house , wishing I was somewhere or someone else ….. Not because I don’t understand who I am , I actually like certain parts of my psyche , and personality . But my life isn’t what I want it to be because something so incredibly valuable is missing from it . And It quite possibly will never come .

The Material Life we build , never replaces the needs we have as a human .
And we build ourselves into a corner over time , leaving no escape route in case things don’t turn out the way they should . My house doesn’t feel like home . Divided and separate in all things .

Yet my Studio is in my home .

I have a good reputation for my work , Location sound , I get the job done . Working outside is always what it is , I am away from where I am basically isolated from everyone and everything . Like sitting in bed staring out the window ……..

I am missing the one thing in my life ,  that would make my life worth actually living . And I would be willing to sacrifice so much , to have it . With just a word … I would .
When you know that life could actually be everything you ever wanted and dreamed of , but it is just out of your reach ,  and you know ….. without question, you know .

So I am staring out my window at a winter sky , and listening to the cold wind blow . Right through my heart .



Recording Myself ?

Possibly ,…
I am so used to recording everyone else , and I haven’t even tried to really record me .
I recently bought a guitar for the studio , that has an amazing sound to it and plays good.

I spent most of this morning transferring audio from a Recent shoot , 4 days long involving Technology is about all I am allowed to say , (NDA stuff)

As I was setting up folders and doing transfers while waiting for the DATA to move from the recorder to the HDD ,  I picked up said guitar and put it in DADGAD tuning and let certain current emotions fly on their own …….

I ended up playing for about 2 and a half hours ( DATA being long finished ) and with sore fingers and a somewhat satisfied feeling , I put it back in the case …

But left with the thought ,….  That I was sitting , ….in a recording studio with a shitload of microphones ……… why wasn’t I recording something ?

Why haven’t I ever recorded myself ? ……………….( I have my suspicions , ….)

Esteem issues and other stuff …

But I love recording ,….. The gift of sound …. and I have an artist who comes to my studio and we are making an EP for her that is 4 songs all of which are really good .

they are almost finished …..

Why haven’t I recorded me ?


Trying to Keep a Ship straight

when going thru the worst storms in your life , …..
“I had a crappy childhood” would be an understatement in the worst way , but what the real issues are is you never realize just how deep the scars go and how far you carry them without knowing it , you just live as you can and keep going , until you hit a wall .

about 3 maybe 4  years ago , I hit that wall without realizing what was happening to me , and the downward spiral began , to the point that around 2 years ago I tried to end it all .

someone stopped me in the process .

Over the past half a year or more , I have been through an emotional rollercoaster that I could never have anticipated in any way ….. some of it good some of it not so good .

there has been an unwilling friend in all of the past half a year that unbenunced to them caught me just as I was falling apart , and I could not be more embarrassed or sorry , but they stuck around ,…. …. and I saw light .

Light , from a darkened cave that had me prisoner for a very long time .

And with the world outside as crazy as it is , with all the bad things happening , it is easy to see how many could be caught into a whirlpool of negativity and depression .

How precious then is someone who takes a moment to get it …. to just simply listen .

I hope that one day they will realize what they did for me ,

Telling a person just embarrasses them sometimes , and especially when It wasn’t their choice …………  but the gratefulness will never change